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Either way, the child is allowed to express their thoughts or concerns and feel validated without an argument. First, it creates anxiety and fear in the child, especially of the person who you are going to tell about whatever happened.
Parents tend to want control all of the time, and it takes work to allow kids to have freedom to do what they choose.It is wasted words to try to express a rule when a child is upset, as they focus on one thing at a time.Instead, train yourself to say, “You realized that you jumped off the chair and got hurt when you landed on the ground”, rather than, “See, that is what happens when you jump off the chair”.Train yourself to explain the reason behind your statement.“That is not safe” or “Your skin is not for coloring on” is specific and helps them learn why things are off limits, rather than just that they are.Telling a child that they can’t do something makes them prove that they can, by telling you or showing you that it is in fact possible.
Telling a kid to not do something makes them want to argue or rebel.
You can always rephrase the sentence from a negative to a positive, which will correct the behavior without sounding critical.
Train yourself to say what you want them to do instead of what you don’t. Notice the common element is starting with the word “you” and then acknowledging what they worked at, rather than what you think about it.
” This gives the child respect and responsibility for their actions.
I can’t tell you the number of times I hear that phrase when around other parents, even though it is highly ineffective.
Of course, there will be times when a task must be completed in a certain fashion (homework, etc.).